If you are like me, you like being in control. You may even feel like you take control of life through your decisions with relative ease. When problem-solving, it is crucial to focus on your circle of control. This will direct your effort where it is most effective. However, it can be humbling and healthy for the ego to reflect on how small that circle really is. There are so many events that lead up to every moment that go unseen. Not to mention, there are an exponential number of events creating the conditions for those moments! A lot of this unseen falls into the circle of uncontrol. Although you can’t do much about it, it helps to know it’s there.
Success and Failure Biases
Survivorship or success biases easily allow individuals to think that they have the key to life, love, money, et cetera. If you accomplish something, it is easy to look back and say, “I am here! I did this. Of course, and I could do it again.” This is especially true if you accomplish something one time, on a first attempt, because “Hey look! 100% success rate!” Past events form our expectations of what will happen. This is one way we learn in life, but if can also make us a little over-confident if we don’t take into account all of the factors that were involved, and instead attribute the results completely to our own doing.
The same could be said when life is really hard. A tough day, week, month, or year can get you a little down. There is a temptation to blame yourself when something goes wrong. To get out of a rough patch, again, you want to focus on what you can do – even asking for help. Yet, looking back, it is good to know that you are not alone, and some things are out of your control.
“You could say that failure always arrives uninvited, but through our ego, far too many of us allow it to stick around.”
Ego is the Enemy – Ryan Holiday
Putting Ego on the Backburner
Our Ego is the part within us that always wants credit where credit is not due.
In his book, Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday discusses the importance of detaching our ego from our successes and failures. Ego will get in the way of any endeavor and make the joys of life less sweet when the successes come, and it will kick you while you are down when failures inevitably arrive.
The Circle of Uncontrol
What doesn’t go through your mind in these moments of success or failure are the underlying foundation that had nothing to do with your skill or knowledge. Everything outside of your circle of control that has a real impact on your lived experience.
- The setting – the time and location in which you live
- Foundations laid for you by parents, care-takers, friends, or family
- Health and wellness
- The actions of others
- Unexpected / unplanned events
The factors I listed are only some of the ways your life has been impacted beyond your control. Sometimes, like in the year 2020, the circle of uncontrol seems so massive and heavy. How do you even navigate when, from where you stand, you feel so small?
The Leap of Faith – Choosing Uncontrol
The leap of faith is like letting off the gas and not touching the brakes through a patch of ice. It is choosing to trust and forgive those around you in friendship, choosing to have hope, and choosing to trust the goodness of humanity. Even more, it is trusting the goodness of God. It is Matthew 6:26.
What are some of the moments where the leap of faith got you through? Where has God carried you safely while you let go of the end results.
Reflecting on those moments can restore a lot of peace knowing that God got you through all along, so he won’t stop today.
What leaps do you currently need to make? Where you are standing on the edge looking into the gap, big or small, and deciding if the risk is worth the reward.
Doing this reflection can help you realize that, while your sphere of influence is limited, at least you have control over letting go of control.
Current events can cause a lot of stress. We are all doing the best we can. For any of our successes, and even for our stresses, trust and gratitude are of utmost importance for maintaining peace.
